I missed yesterday. I meant to write, but well, I guess life got in the way. I had a flare up, as it were, and when my health is bad, it spreads to my husband, which reflects back to me, and it can be a really caustic resonance cycle if it isn’t stopped.
We made it through somehow. And then we had a friend over and spent hours raiding a Christmas-themed ship before getting utterly lost aboard a pirate ship and winding up in a castle. (Only with video games would that be possible.)
Dora was… well, she’s a dog. A young dog. She’s excited and getting used to a new home and there are still bumps. We are trying to learn her routine and figure out why she has started barking, and it stresses me out. But it will be fine. It is fine. This is normal.
We got her licensed and scheduled her vet appointment and we’ve got her first obedience training (with me) lined up. It’s flowing. Which scares me, but everything scares me, so that emotional feedback isn’t useful for decision making.
I decided to commit to this, to accept her, and so of course I spent most of last night waking up terrified that she was relieving herself on my carpet or eating my belongings. It’s ok. This is normal. It’s ok.
Sink or swim, I am going to learn to move faster, without fully developed and quadruple-checked plans, and to accept outcomes that are fine but different than anticipated. Dora is already breaking my illusions of control. I will also have to find something to do with myself now that I’m being forced to connect with all the hours in my day. It’s difficult, but I’m not breaking.
Maybe I’m stronger than I think.