Enjoyment for Its Own Sake

I’m at the fire pit again today, and unlike last time, when there were a few people at home but none with me, this morning, I’m the only one home.

It feels a bit weird because I should be working on things around the house. Maybe I should hand some of the paintings. Maybe I should finish painting the sitting room. Maybe I should wash dishes. Instead, I’m just sitting here.

I’ve just been journaling and trying to soak up the atmosphere, because I don’t often do things without having a friend or my husband along to support me. It feels like there is value in doing this, in validating myself by choosing to do something simply because I want to do it. It’s odd, and it’s a small step, but maybe it’s enough for today.

The little girl next door likes to talk to me, and their dog loves to race Dora up and down the fence. Now, the dog from the other neighbors has come out and she’s baying at both of them. I could ask my neighbors if their dogs could come over to play, but I won’t. I’m not feeling that social.

My journaling hasn’t really led me anywhere, but it’s good to write things down. I wish the issue I’m wrestling with were simpler, but people are complicated. Life is complicated. Even if pure truth were to be revealed to me, I’d still only be happy if it turned out I was right after all. Otherwise, I’d probably need to stomach the inescapable reality.

Time to extinguish the fire and go inside. We’ll see what the rest of the day holds.

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