Fitbit: Feb. 6-12

Warning: I talk about suicide in this post.

I have a purple Charge 2 that I wear almost constantly, because I want a heart monitor. As a side effect, I get slightly warped fitness stats emailed to me weekly. I say “warped” because the days that I spend 2-3 hours on the couch crocheting usually have 5,000 more steps than the days that I exercise more, so it’s clear that some of my steps aren’t actually steps.

Regardless, taking care of my body is a part of my growth process, so I thought it might be worth posting these from time to time. It’s still relatively new for me: I’ve only cared about my longevity for a little more than 2 years. Before that? Well…

Honestly, if I took an obvious path towards suicide, people would notice. Chemicals or injuries are very obvious. Overeating is slow and subtle, and in America, it’s rude to tell people that they are having too much to eat, so it is a very smooth road. Full plates, dessert when it’s offered, and self-medicating pain with sugar… it was easy but insidious.

As I came into my marriage, The Flutenist asked me to stop. To take care of myself. To live. 

I was… surprised might be too weak of a word to contain my reaction to being loved and wanted. As someone who had believed that if she died, she would fade into the aether, and the people around her would be subtly happier without being able to remember why… having someone ask me point blank to give him as many years of my life as I could was… like I said “surprising” is just not strong enough.

I took him seriously. 

I have lost 55 pounds so far, by making small changes and being consistent. (Read: I cut out refined sugar entirely for months, I stopped self-medicating with chocolate-caffeine-sugar combos, and I started eating smaller portions.)

My BMI is 30.0 right now. 😑 Still obese, but just barely. My mom bought me a body composition analyzer for my birthday (at my request 🎉), so I will soon be able to temper that number with my % body fat. I suspect that the average healthy weight range for my gender/height/age may actually be too low for my body type, so I’d rather focus on maintaining a healthy fat level.

I had been exercising fairly frequently (about 45 minutes per day on the weekdays) before winter hit, but from November on, it’s been dicey here. My routine is ruined, and I can’t use my membership for the local indoor track (they have given us permission to bring my emotional support dog) because The Flutenist wants to wait until she’s better trained and/or has earned full public access first. It’s a good call, but it also prevents me from going.

At the very least, I’m holding pretty steady over the winter. Just going up and down a few pounds total. That bodes well for spring.

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