I had a breakdown yesterday. Just got overwhelmed by how many more tasks I needed to complete. By how much more of myself I needed to give away. By suddenly having this new being depending on me for everything- for food, for relieving herself, for exercise, for fun.
There was just so much of it, and no breaks from it, and so I just cried. And Dora came up close to me and tilted her head and licked my salty tears. And I petted her soft, smooth fur and breathed in that warm, familiar dog smell. And I calmed down a bit.
This isn’t going to be natural right away. Nor will it be easy. She isn’t trained for her role yet and I am only accustomed to owning outdoor dogs. We both have a great deal to learn.
I found an article about new mothers being overwhelmed by the arrival of their babies, the sudden appearance of new tasks, the loss of one’s job or friends or routine, the lack of sleep, and just… all of it. At once. Without breaks.
I think I understand now, better than I have before, a small part of what they go through. If any of my friends become new mothers, I want to try to do something for them: to (let’s see- what do I want?) … to give them a break from their tasks for a while or to do something that feels a bit like life before (like eating or talking about movies and life). I want to ease the burden by adding something to their life.
But back to reality: Dora is a really sweet, gentle, and calm dog. I think it’s going to go well overall. I just need to adapt to the new balance of life. I think she will respond well to training and could be taught to monitor my wellbeing if we want to go that route. At the very least, because she is a velcro dog, Dora won’t let me hide in the dark and cry alone. I might still do it on some days, but at least she will be sitting with me. That will probably be enough to keep the darkest thoughts at bay.