Update: Being Outside

I don’t know if you remember this, but I don’t like being outside where my neighbors can see me because I grew up without neighbors. Or at least, when we had neighbors, our yard was fenced in so there was still a fair amount of privacy. After we didn’t have neighbors any more, it was just squirrels, birds, chipmunks, and rabbits in my yard, so I could do whatever I wanted without any fear of looking weird.

I’ve been working on my tolerance of being visible by… spending time outside. Very creative, I know. I’ve actually made a fair amount of progress on this front since I last talked about it- largely because I took over most of the yard work when my husband developed a grass/mold/pollen allergy. (We aren’t sure what he’s reacting to, but the symptoms are pretty mild, so we’re just using over the counter meds and surgical masks to handle it so far.)

So, look! I raked leaves a while ago!

The rake actually broke while I was using it. 😑 A few days after this, I finished the job via the push lawnmower and its bag. This was several hours of being a part of people’s shared space, and no one appeared to be affected in the least. It is ok for me to be visible.


We also put in a small flower garden, because it will A) require us to be outside and B) be pleasant when it grows. So there’s a moderate amount of upkeep and repeated short periods outside in my future. It will be ok. Hopefully, I will continue desensitizing myself to this issue so that one day, it won’t be a fear. I want to be able to function fine indoors and outdoors.

The garden is made of phlox and… bearded tongue? I think. 🤔 There are also crocus bulbs and… man, I think it’s allium. I think. (See how prepared I was for this post?) Anyway, hopefully there will be flowers next spring. Maybe I will share those.

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2 thoughts on “Update: Being Outside

  1. Congratulations! I used to have really bad anxiety and would retreat back indoors if I ever heard any of my neighbours. I would then peek out from behind the curtains to make sure the street was clear before making my mad dash for the car.

    Do you guys have a little garden table? Perhaps having a tea or coffee outside would be a nice exposure task.

    Liked by 1 person

    • We don’t have a table or chairs. I have considered it, but I wasn’t ready for one last summer. Your suggestion sounds good: it’s limited (by the volume of the cup), it’s repeatable, and it’s low key. Thank you! I will pass the idea on to my husband to help ensure that I remember.

      Liked by 1 person

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