I don’t know if you remember this, but I don’t like being outside where my neighbors can see me because I grew up without neighbors. Or at least, when we had neighbors, our yard was fenced in so there was still a fair amount of privacy. After we didn’t have neighbors any more, it was just squirrels, birds, chipmunks, and rabbits in my yard, so I could do whatever I wanted without any fear of looking weird.
I’ve been working on my tolerance of being visible by… spending time outside. Very creative, I know. I’ve actually made a fair amount of progress on this front since I last talked about it- largely because I took over most of the yard work when my husband developed a grass/mold/pollen allergy. (We aren’t sure what he’s reacting to, but the symptoms are pretty mild, so we’re just using over the counter meds and surgical masks to handle it so far.)
So, look! I raked leaves a while ago!
The rake actually broke while I was using it. 😑 A few days after this, I finished the job via the push lawnmower and its bag. This was several hours of being a part of people’s shared space, and no one appeared to be affected in the least. It is ok for me to be visible.
We also put in a small flower garden, because it will A) require us to be outside and B) be pleasant when it grows. So there’s a moderate amount of upkeep and repeated short periods outside in my future. It will be ok. Hopefully, I will continue desensitizing myself to this issue so that one day, it won’t be a fear. I want to be able to function fine indoors and outdoors.
The garden is made of phlox and… bearded tongue? I think. 🤔 There are also crocus bulbs and… man, I think it’s allium. I think. (See how prepared I was for this post?) Anyway, hopefully there will be flowers next spring. Maybe I will share those.