Coming Full Circle

It’s been a few days since I wrote last, but I didn’t know what to say. I did it, guys. I played my song for my husband. It actually happened a bit before the song went live for all of you, because I just- I just needed my best friend to be the one who heard it first. His opinion matters more than anyone else’s because of the love, trust, and support we have both invested into our marriage.

So, I played it for him.

And I cried.

Because as I sat there, next to him, I heard my voice begging him not to leave me alone, not to move on without me, and the weight of the song fell on me like a ton of bricks. I had listened to the song so many times while he was at work, and it hadn’t affected me. But sitting next to him, hearing my words, and recognizing what I was afraid of? That was hard.

I’m crying again now, honestly. Part of thawing emotionally has meant that the sensitivity that I had as a child has returned. So I cry when I’m happy and when I’m sad. Only now, it feels ok. The people around me are safe, so it’s ok to be myself.

He listened to the song and told me that he liked the way it sounded. We talked about music genres and the way this song was made. We laughed about how if I make a dozen songs, he will listen to my music recreationally, because the playlist will be long enough. We talked about the content, and long story short, I know how secure I really am with him. Everything will be ok.

So, for anyone who needs them, here are the lyrics from “Don’t Leave Me:”

Don’t leave me all alone, all alone here.
Don’t leave me all alone, all alone.
I watch you grow without me.
I stand here, left behind.
I hope you won’t become a memory.
I hope I won’t wake up blind.
Don’t leave me all alone.
Don’t leave me all alone.

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