Loneliness and Loss

I mentioned before that I haven’t been reaching out to any of my friends. Within the last… has it really been 5 months already? Within the last 5 months, my husband and I moved 1,134 miles away from our community. We met there. We studied there. Our friends were there. And now we are gone. And life goes on.

How is that fair? For people to lose so much and for life to go on?

… It feels like I shouldn’t be writing this entry, like someone who knows me locally will find this entry some day and get upset because I don’t feel like they are good enough or something. It’s not about that. It is just very hard to be in a community of similar people, to feel free to be myself, to make very deep friendships, and then to just be… gone. Just like that. One day, we can meet up for coffee and the next, I’m just in a car with my stuff, driving away forever. It was really drastic and really fast.

I went from being a part of a community, feeling empowered to reach out to people, and having friends within walking distance who knew me deeply to being what? Somewhere where most people knew a masked version of me? Somewhere that I haven’t lived consistently since 2004, where I have no community to belong to? Somewhere where I need to balance over-relying on the few friends I have against never reaching out to them at all?

It’s a big change and it hurts.

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