I was going about my day this morning, when I saw my sad little soap dish. I’m poetic at heart, so I tend to see deeper significance than others might. In all honesty, I’m just fine with the way that I am, even if most people don’t get philosophical over hand soap. Moving on.
What you see here are various soaps that I: A) never used or B) stopped using in order to avoid running out of them. In both cases, the soap remains because I recognized something of value in them- an appealing color or shape, for example- so I did everything in my power to preserve them.
So what? It’s soap.
Well, the issue is two-fold: first, I accumulate a lot of things by doing this and second, it reveals my desire to keep something rather than be left with nothing. To understand problems with the first one, look up “hoarding disorder” online and you’ll see what it can grow into. For the second, well…
It’s not a big problem for an issue like soap, but what about with something bigger, like relationships? What happens if I try to keep the pieces of a broken relationship without accepting that it’s over? What if I try to live in memories instead of moving on? What if I do the same thing with traumatic memories too- just so I can feel something? Now it gets dangerous.
I do keep possessions that are tied to pain, you know. It’s important to remember the guilt, to keep myself from ever hurting people like that again. I shouldn’t be doing this, really. Holding on doesn’t fix relationships and it doesn’t take away anyone’s pain. It’s not even valid penance! I just do it anyway.
Hopefully, one day, I’ll be able to use up the scraps and accept that once things are over, there’s nothing I can do any more.