As I have thought about what to post here and whom to share it with, I have repeatedly followed the train of thought that “if I just had everything under control like everyone else, then I could…” I have to chuckle a little because this type of thought has plagued me throughout my life, and I honestly used to believe that everyone but me was perfect. That type of approach brings pain like nothing else.
Actually, I still act off of this impulse, even though I don’t believe that everyone else is confident and that everyone else is perfect and that everyone else can handle anything that comes. It’s just so tempting to keep my crazy, broken, messy parts hidden away from the world. In doing so, I reinforce the same lie that’s been hurting me all along by making those around me feel like I have everything together, when I really don’t.
I’m feeding the flames that have burned me.
Maybe we all are.